Hannah (han16nah319) wrote,
Hannah
han16nah319

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10:45 am...

So, today at 10:45 am, My Nanny died. She passed away, which I suppose is good because she is no longer suffering, I walked into that room and the picture is still haunting me right now. She didnt look the same, at all. Her mouth was dropped, wide open. I walked in saw that and said, I dont want to see this. But I had to, her jaw was stiffened like that. So we head over to hte funeral home, where we had to make an appointment and what not and that is where I lost it. I really dont like the fact my Nanny's body has to wait until Friday to get creamated and then Weds/Thurs for the funeral/wake/calling, whatever you call it, I lost it. Told the guy my mom my aunt my godmother and cousin that this was all stupid and bullshit and I dont htink its right she has to wait. And I argued bout how she might not get a tombstone with her name on it and I HATE that idea, But Im sure now she is getting one. I'm sure shes in a better place too, it just hurts so much because I was close to her, it was always "My Hannah" heh. I went to church with her, only person, I havent been to church since I stopped with her, I went to Cranston with her and stayed with cousin and I also went to Vermont with her. I look at the pictures we're going to use, well we still have to go thru them and all, I just wanted to cry all over again, to see how happy she was and then how she just started getting sick, forgetting things, feeling lonely. She hated that nursing home, my mom was tryin to get her outta there, but we had no other options, we couldnt provide the care she needed. Shed always cry when I went to see her there, and when I went to leave. *Sighs* I'm really sad and feel really alone.... I'm going to watch TV...
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