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10:45am. One Year To Date. [10 May 2006|07:49pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Today made one year since my Nanny passed away....

I wear you around my neck everyday. <3
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I miss her so very much
It seems like just yesterday
I was laughing with you
Playing games at Grandma's house
Well you taught me well, didn't you?
I hope I'm just like you
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[07 Feb 2006|07:46pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Fuck the Bullshit....
Fuck the Drama...

This isn't Highschool
This isn't Highschool
This isn't Highschool.

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From July 19th, To Right Now. [12 Aug 2005|11:55pm]
[ mood | hot ]

July 19, 2005.
Flight got delayed to Vegas, well the flight to Pitsburgh. because of Thunderstorms. My first time flying and I get a delay... Great. So the delay was almost like 2hours, until we were cleared for take off. Which meant we missed our flight out of Pitsburgh. So we had to stay the night in the Pitsburgh airport, which was semi o.k because our 5 hour flight to Vegas was bumped up to FIRST CLASS. I didnt get any sleep in the airport thought, that sucked wicked.

July 20, 2005 - July 24, 2005
Arrived in Las Vegas, Neveda! Mad hot 115 degrees! Just went swimming right off the back and met Jonas friend Mike Oliver... We barely did anything in Vegas because people were kinda, hmm stingy on the rides. And we had to take buses to and from the strip, so thats all we basically did was walk the strip. Watched the Volcano and The Mirage and saw the water fountain show at the Belliagio. And then one night Mike's hotel got broken into so he had to say with us one night... which turns out bad*...

July 25, 2005 - July 28, 2005
8am We took off for a 5hour drive to Imperial Beach, San Diego, California. Where we did absoulty nothing except hang out in the hotel room, and went on the beach. Went to the convient stores and Somberro's. Except on July 27th, Jona and I ventured our way out of the country to Tijuana Mexico. Mexico was cool. Drinkin age 18. Like every meal comes with a beer. Jona and I sat in the Hard Rock Cafe Bar drinking, he had coronas and I had strawberry daquiris, mmmmmmmmm. Mexico is all like hustlers, they'll bargin until you actually buy it and they follow you around and the little kids omg. I felt bad but I kept saying no until this one girl, she looked so sad so I bought a bracelet and then a school of fucking kids were grabbin my arm beggin me to buy something and give them a dollar, I had to like run away.

July 28, 2005: 6ish pm
Arrive back to Las Vegas with windy stormy weather, did nothing really, went to blockbuster rented Hide and Seek and uhmm Dawn of the Dead. So for the last few days we stayed at his Aunts, went swimming and went to Circus Circus where I found 10bucks in the Casino, that was my lucky day! Except when we called his Aunt for the ride home, she agreed to picking us up and that it was no problem. Then 10mins later T.R her husband called Jon back and said "take the fucking bus home" And that pissed us off because we had no idea what bus to take, and where to get off, so we walked mad far to the bus stop we'd take to get back to Arizona Charlies, and we ended up going to far up and we got lost! for like 30mins and then we had to walk back to Sams Town and take a cab back, which wasnt even far at all! Jons other Aunt Cindy, shes cool, brought us to like 4 smoke shops and a savers like store called Buffalo Exchange, coool store, found alot of shirts I liked but one in my size... Ha. And the day before we left we just ended up walking the strip yet again.

August 3, 2005
Return to Shitty Mass. Which leads me to here...

Remember Michael Oliver* That asswad stole my Debit card number, check numbers and all my info and bought a 1 way ticket Las Vegas to Prov. On Aug 4, when I am alreayd HOME. $312.40 now u know that must be Direct flight First class, because my ticked both ways $232.00 Fucking asshole, So I have like NO MONEY and I filed a Police Report opened a new account, closed that one, and now I gotta do credit checks and all that gay shit.

And tonight I am stuck home because I have work at 7:45am until 4:45 I have nothing to do, and I am in my room sweating my fucking BALLS off (if I had em) So I am off to shower and sleep. Later whoever is reading this.... [THE END]

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Here I Am... [30 Jul 2005|12:50pm]
[ mood | upset ]

Well, here I am in Vegas, got a few more days left. Went thru some of my friends journal to catch up, and I got to Jessica's and I didnt like what I saw. And I didn't really get it. I'm sorry her Dad has serious injuries and what not. But its what I read that had to do with Jon. "I was talking to Jona at work and he told me him and his girlfriend always fight and they are never happy together." and I don't know if this is about Jona or not but it just doesn't seem right with what she just said. Hopefully some part of him misses the fun we had, and all the good times, because Lord knows I do... Yeah she used to chill with us smoke blunts with Jona and Aphex, but I just don't get it. And I told Jona about what it said and he just laughed to the part where he said the fighting/unhappy part. Real funny right? I think not, and to top it all off he said that the day before we left for Vegas. Real fucking nice, yeah I love you too Jon. And now he just said when dont I say I'm not happy, I say it all the time... I'm so pissed right now well more like hurt that he could laugh at the fact he said he's never happy. Because he sure the hell does seem happy with me for most of this vacation, up until right now I suppose. Whatever. I guess I am done for now, I guess when I get back I'll tell alll about VEGAS!!



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10:45 am... [10 May 2005|10:00pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

So, today at 10:45 am, My Nanny died. She passed away, which I suppose is good because she is no longer suffering, I walked into that room and the picture is still haunting me right now. She didnt look the same, at all. Her mouth was dropped, wide open. I walked in saw that and said, I dont want to see this. But I had to, her jaw was stiffened like that. So we head over to hte funeral home, where we had to make an appointment and what not and that is where I lost it. I really dont like the fact my Nanny's body has to wait until Friday to get creamated and then Weds/Thurs for the funeral/wake/calling, whatever you call it, I lost it. Told the guy my mom my aunt my godmother and cousin that this was all stupid and bullshit and I dont htink its right she has to wait. And I argued bout how she might not get a tombstone with her name on it and I HATE that idea, But Im sure now she is getting one. I'm sure shes in a better place too, it just hurts so much because I was close to her, it was always "My Hannah" heh. I went to church with her, only person, I havent been to church since I stopped with her, I went to Cranston with her and stayed with cousin and I also went to Vermont with her. I look at the pictures we're going to use, well we still have to go thru them and all, I just wanted to cry all over again, to see how happy she was and then how she just started getting sick, forgetting things, feeling lonely. She hated that nursing home, my mom was tryin to get her outta there, but we had no other options, we couldnt provide the care she needed. Shed always cry when I went to see her there, and when I went to leave. *Sighs* I'm really sad and feel really alone.... I'm going to watch TV...

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Yesterday... [27 Apr 2005|11:13am]
[ mood | blah ]

Just gonna do a quick up to date, update of yesterday before I forget or before its too late...

So, yesterday I went to go see my Nanny, as I said I was going to do. Me, my Mom, God Mother and Uncle, went to go see her. My uncle was a wuss at first and didnt really want to go in the room. It was horrible. She didnt look the same. She has a patch of gray hair, she's swollen, out of it, having difficulties breathing, heart rate and blood pressure kept going up and down. And the nurse said she has a high count of white/red, dont remember which one, but its not good. Shes still not eating, so they're going to insert the feeding tube soon. And now she is on a respirator. Yesterday her resperation went to 17 - 14, I dont know what it should be but I guess its not good, cuz the way she was breathing and now that they have her on a respirator. She couldnt stay up long enough to really reconize anyone, she just got out of an dialisist for her kidneys b/c they're failing. But when she did come out of it once, my God Mother was standing right infront of her, and my Nanny reconized her and gave a smile, quick chuckle, slightly lifted her hand and then went back to sleep. I didnt know what to do or say to my Nanny, like I want to tell her I loved her but she wasnt responding to anyones voice. SO when we left, I grabbed her hand, she did nothing, but I rubbed my thumb on the top of her hand, and she slightly grabbed my hand. =o/ LoL and the doctor there, took my Nannys little duck and wrapped a bandage around its right leg, like my Nannys, cuz she no longer has a right leg =o/

I wish we had the money to get a lawyer and sue Blair House. (if you could anyways) THey are the reason she is there and like that, they didnt take care of her, and that is what they're supposed to do. Its a fucking nursing home, thats supposed to take car of sick elderly people who cant take care of their selves and their family cant provide the right care that they need. Fuckers.

AND on that note... We all were heading to Stop & Shop on Kings Highway and my mom took 140, and it was mad backed up... We went by, Tons of State Police. Tons of Narcs, etc. So we knew something bad happened, and there were flares and cones of all sorts. And when we got by all we saw as a Bike. Not a Motorcycle Bike, the other type of Bikes, the Street Bike things. Anyways so we knew it was an accident. So, On the way home my mom figured it'd be cleared up by now, so she took 140 home... And well It def wasnt, everything and everybody was still there.... So we got closer... and we all saw something I bet we'd never see... A Dead Body. Laying in between the guard rails. Me being the weirdo said "I wish I had a camera phone" and then I realise I had my digital camera with me... BUt it was too late and then I saw the persons shoe... and I'm like OMG there is the shoe!!, SO now... the bike on one side of the highway, the body in the middle... and the shoe on the other side... Now that must of been some hardcore fucked up accident. And there was no other cars involved so it seemed, just that Bike.

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The Motivation Proclamation [22 Feb 2005|07:12pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

I got no motivation
Where is my motivation?
No time for the motivation.

I really have no motivation!
No motivation to clean my room.
No motivation to lose weight/stop eating alot.
No motivation to get up early.
No motivation to get up and find a job.

I want to do these things, But I have no motivation to do them. Nothing really motivates me. I'll be like yeah, I need a job before JonA's prom, I need a job so I can go out... But it's not enough. I'm just, I guess, the laziest person alive. Or maybe it's just because the jobs that are for me, I keep getting turned down for, and it sucks already. I'm just not "qualified" Fuck them.

Motivate me
I wanna get myself out of this bed
Motivate me
I wanna get myself out of this...

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Snow Balls!!!! [21 Jan 2005|04:40pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Not yesterday, but the day before.

I was throwing snowballs at my dogs stupid face (sabbath) and he likes it. So I went inside to get gloves cuz it was getting wayyy too cold! And I continued throwing them at his face for about 5-10mins lol... Then I went inside and my brother, mother and andrew were bundled up and I'm like going somewhere? And they said they were walkin to CVS so im like Hmmmm I can go and have a nice snowball fight... I'm Going! So I grabbed a jacket and waited outside. As soon as those 3 stepped outside, they got whacked with a snowball lol... And then it started... Didn't stop until we got to CVS and even then I made a snowball for when I came out. And when I got into CVS it was really warm so I unzipped my jacket and a pile of snow just plopped out, Wicked funny...

Then we were leaving... Snowball fight started up again... And then my mom made me carry a jug of milk home... And I was mad because I only came for the snowball fight, So I made a nice round snowball and hit her right in the back of the head with it... Well we thought it was funny... she sorta did... and then threatened me... "HANNAH REMEMBER WHERE YOU LIVE AND REMEMBER I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP!!" lol, So yeah it continued, my mom would get hit every now and then cuz it just happened, either in the way or someone ducked lol.

And then Yesterday... I hung with Tanya and we went to sell 5 playstation games... and then we drove around and somehow I mentioned that I bet people are at JonA's even though he was at work... Sure enough we drive down the street and Shawn's jeep is there... so Tanya had to pee so we went to Wendy's and came up with the idea to throw snowballs at his jeep and I mentioned JonA's window to get Shawns attention and stuff... So we ended up just throwing them at the window and diving back into the truck haha... He looked out a few times and had no clue, even though there was snowball marks all over the window lol.

And then it was like 10 something and JonA got out at 11... And I'm like Shawn is gonna pick up JonA at work, when they get back we should get them with snowballs... so we did.. haha... Tanya hit him right when he was gettin outta the truck. And then he said he was gonna kill someone but I got him twice... and his pants were broken so I got his crotch pretty damn good hahahahaha Oh yeah and his Check and he got pissed bout that cuz he didnt know if I ripped it or got it all wet LOL Good Times!!!


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Jim Morrison [05 Jan 2005|07:15pm]
[ mood | blah ]

"People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel?" - Jim Morrison

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And Everyday's The Same.... [22 Dec 2004|04:35am]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

So, I was sitting here and thinking, about how some people feel like their life has become "routine". It's because it has. It's always been a "routine". Think about it...

We wake up in the morning. (Some)We go to school. Some of us have jobs, After school we go to work. After work, we either hang with friends or go home. When we get home it's either online, tv or bed. Then the routine starts all over again.

And inbetween School and Work. Some of us have Boyfriends/Girlfriends (and extra activites like having a band). So inbetween work and school we squeeze them in. We date out Boyfriends/Girlfriends weeks, months and sometimes years. We fall in love with each other. Sometimes feelings fade on both sides or it's just one sided. Either way, your heart breaks. And even that becomes a routine! Then now you're back out in the market. Meeting people. Finding new interests in Girls/Boys and starting the (what might be) Painful Process... all over again.

So now you're older. You get married, You wake up, go to bed and have sex with that some person for the REST of your life. New routine. Then you start a family. Taking care of the baby now fits into your Work/Husband/Friend Schdule! But then, the heartache can still break in... Divorce, then seperating and custody of children.

How can Love be so thoughtless, so cruel?

But ok, say you're marriage has no problems. (Not to sound mean) But someone has to die sometime. And there's the heartache there.

Life is a never ending "routine". Everything is "routine"

All I know right now... Is that I do not want to go through another heartbreak, No not now... not for a VERY VERY long time. But I can't predict the future...

How many times is my heart going to be broken before I die? Or will my heartbreaks end up being the death of me?

It isn't exciting reciting the stories
Of kind words turned hurting
When routine gets boring
Both getting tired of punk rock clubs
And both playing in punk rock bands
The start was something good
But some good things must end

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Never been so SCARED! [01 Dec 2004|05:20am]
[ mood | scared ]

Today (ugh I mean yesterday, it's like I live in a different time zone) I hung out with Sarah, Ryan and Jeff. Jeff was an asshole. Lead us through the cemetary after I asked him not too... But I wasnt as freaked out as I usually was.... But now I think I'm just gonna be afraid of walking at night now...

So yeah, I had to walk home, So Sarah and Ryan walked me to RT6, so I had to cross it and just walk down my street... well the SCARIEST thing EVER happened to me... I was walking and I heard a squeeky car, driving slowly next to me, and I looked over and it was some guy and he rolled down his window. And I looked away and then it's like "Hey, Do you need a ride?" and I'm like NOPE! and he's like "No?" and I'm like NOPE! and he starts slowly driving away but still going really slow. And he had the creepiest look on his face, and big scary smirk. He reminded me of someone that I would see on America's Most Wanted... So yeah I was really scared so I secretly put my cellphone in my pocket with "911" dialed and my finger on the 'send' button lol. I wanted to run, scream and cry sooo bad. But I was afraid if he really wanted to kidnap me he'd hear me, and or see me stop and grab me! Ahh THANKS ALOT RYAN AND YOUR LAZY ASS!!!!

I'm out for nowwww

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Touch My Milk Like Skin... Feel The Ocean [17 Oct 2004|06:27pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Yesterday Jessica picked me up and we went Shopping!

In Pac Sun I happened to turn around and spotted Nach and Druzen and then we walked around the Mall with them for a bit. I got new pants and "Love Spell" Mmmm and then Jessica had plans with Kathleen to go somewhere so it worked out good cuz I just left with Druzen and Nach. Went to Best Buy and Stop&Shop, and then to some kids Scotts house.

Watched the game... Watched the Red Sox lose... =o( Yankees Suck, WTF! So Druzen wins yet again lol. The Sox better win tonight!!

I'm just a tad bit aggravated...

I'm guessing Tomorrow my mom will take me to Sally's so I can pierce my ears some more.

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Fucking ABUSERS [12 Oct 2004|01:42pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

I just get home from work and my mom tells me about my neighbor that the little devil, [next charles manson] kid and how he's abusing the dog... and my mom was watching and then she was like omg i cant watch this nemore. So I go to the door and start watching, to see what exactly he's doing and I got so pissed off...

So here's the story...
My neighbor they have a puppy beagle... and the little 8year old or w/e is sittin there beating the shit out of it shaking it around hitting it and shit, and I went out there... and im like HEY WHAT DO YOU THING YOU'RE DOING, and he jumps and looks at me... and I continue.. DO YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT? DO YOU WANT TO BE SHOOKIN AROUND AND SLAPPED IN THE BACK? and he just stared at me and shook his head no and I said THEN DONT DO IT TO THE DOG and I went to walk away and then I was like AND NEXT TIME I CATCH YOU IM GOING OVER THERE AND TELLING YOU PARENTS, YOU GOT THAT?! He shook his head yes and I think he needs diapers all over again.

This kid, he takes the dogs ear and lifts it and goes right up to it and screams wicked loud in it, and he kicks balls at its face and hits it with toys and shit, like i really want to go over there and take that dog away, and like call the police and report animal cruilty and what not. The poor dog is left alone like all day locked up in the garage and then treated like shit, the puppy doesnt know any better, but I know he doesnt like bein handled by him because right when I yelled the puppy jumped up and ran to the fence all happy...

So after that... I'd like to report my NAP TIME is ruined! I'm too pissed to sleep.

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